I got friends locked in boxes
by anabiel
Summary: AU - It's only after flying a nuke into space that Tony starts to feel the affects of Palladium poisoning, and what with his trust issues, none of the Avengers, or even Pepper, knows that he's dying.
1. I got friends locked in boxes

**I got friends locked in boxes**

Tony had let them into his home; he had opened up Stark tower to the others (under coercion from Pepper who no doubt got the idea from Fury, the bastard), but that didn't mean he trusted any of them. No. He stayed away, using a number of false and semi-false pretenses so that he wouldn't have to spend time with any of them or to get to know any of them: work, inventing, board meetings, anything to keep the team at arm's length.

He even managed to keep the identity of Iron Man a secret, even from Fury. True, he had thought about telling the world, if only to see Miss Brown's shocked expression at the press conference, but he decided to hide behind yet another lie. Yes, he built the suit to be his bodyguard. No, he was not the pilot. Wasn't the point of having a bodyguard was that so someone else would protect him? No, he would not tell you the pilot's identity. End of press conference. Questions can be fielded to the ever competent trash can or taken to the nearest incinerator.

His life was full of so many fucking lies (_I'm fine… I'm fine. Just fine fine fine. Peachy. Golden, even, with a mix of hot-rod red and unwanted crazy-ass Tetris tattoos_), he didn't even know where his true self went half the time, and of course, ever since Afghanistan, the insomnia made it really hard to keep all these lies straight.

Just another reason to stay away from the rest of the Avengers.

But Pepper… Sweet, dear Pepper forced Tony to come out of his lab to have dinner with the others, and so, there he was, trying to hide a strained smile under his flawless, billionaire mask while his mind multitasked between solving his palladium poisoning problem and keeping pace with the conversation and the twenty-some other projects he had going.

"How's Iron Man doing? After… After, you know, the whole missile thing? We haven't spoken with him since so…" The Captain trailed off and Tony had an urge to start laughing and never stop, but he swallowed down the laughs by literally downing some alcohol. He could feel Pepper's frown but one of Tony's best skills was ignoring her. Still, best not antagonize the woman further by speaking rudely to the Star Spangled Captain. After all, the Billionaire did want her to have some good memories of him…

"He's fine." – _So fucking fine. Just peachy. Golden…_ – "Space was overwhelming for the guy so I let him have a long vacation. He deserves it." Pepper lightly snorted into her wine glass. Of course, she would know Tony was lying… Wait, had he told her the truth? He must have. Why wouldn't he? He hadn't told her about the palladium that was for sure…

"That's… good…" But the good Captain was scrutinizing Tony, his eyes shifting between the billionaire and Pepper, and had it not been for Tony's mask, he would have shifted uncomfortably under the soldier's stare. The last time they had a stare down… well, that argument had gone well, hadn't it? (_"Big man hiding behind a suit of armor? Take that away and what are you?") _

"Are…"

"Are what?" Tony got up from the table to refill his drink.

"Nothing…" Rogers seemed to be considering something if the slight furrow of his brow was any indication, but Tony didn't give it much thought; after all, he had other things on his mind, like how was he going to make Pepper CEO without making her suspicious?

So much to do, but so little time, and Tony could feel his time winding down.

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I don't normally write Avengers fics, but I just had to. Sorry if it suckssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss and sorry for the weird timeline. My brain vomited something and my hands typed it.

Totally forgot to mention, because I'm a dumdum.. Title is from One Foot by Fun.


	2. That's no way to live

**That's no way to live**

When Stark appeared for dinner, the room quieted down, if only a bit, and Steve couldn't blame anyone because even though the Billionaire strutted into the open kitchen with his usual self-confident walk, the man looked different: more run down, sunken, and tired somehow… Nothing like the man Steve had met on the helicarrier, who looked so full of life and ready to bounce into the next project, or, as Steve experienced first-hand, into someone's face. What had happened? The Captain really wanted to ask, but he felt – rather, he knew – that it was not his place to do so, not after all the verbal sparring they had done when searching for Loki.

Still, something about the Billionaire was truly disconcerting; it bothered Steve, and it wasn't just his run-down state.

It was like he was over-preoccupied with something.. or someone.

"How's Iron Man doing? After… After, you know…"

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Tony couldn't get out of there fast enough, and, despite his desperate haste, he was pretty sure that his mask held long enough to not raise any suspicion from the others. He hoped anyway. (He probably didn't trick Pepper, but she had always been able to read him like an open book...)

As soon as he was out the door, Tony stumbled into the wall, but his need to get away from the others pushed him down the hall to the elevator even though his legs were shaking so much that he had to use the wall as a crutch. Stupid, Captain. Just _had_ to keep bringing up the stupid nuke and that stupid wormhole.. _You have spoken to him since, right? _It was like he thought Tony was lying to him!

Oh wait. He was.

Tony leaned against the slick wall of the elevator and it felt like all the air had left his lungs in one great whoosh. "Jarvis? JARVIS! T-top floor!" He couldn't catch his breath; he could feel the darkness, the stillness, of space closing in on him, pressing in and stopping his lungs. Oh god, why wasn't there enough air?!

His vision was narrowing and he thought he could hear someone calling for him, but he wasn't sure. All he could hear was a rushing sound in his ears and his own rattling breathes as he tried to suck in air.

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Sorry, these chapters are really short, but I'm almost incapable of writing anything long and if I did write longer chapters, you wouldn't see another chapter for a couple years (I'm not even kidding about this as I have done this before.. and am currently doing this eheh).

Please forgive me; I'm only an idiot. I also only have vague notions of where I want this story to go so I really appreciate the follows, favs, and reviews! I honestly did not think that I would get any (since my idea was only half-baked when I posted that chapter)!

Thank you again, and sorry if I disappear. Three hour exams every other week is a brutal life so I write when I can.

Chapter title still from One Foot by Fun.


	3. but you call it a sin

**But you call it a sin**

"-ony.. Tony!" So there had been someone calling for him; he'd thought so, but he couldn't be sure until now; now that the roaring in his ears quieted. His breathing slowly calmed and Tony realized he had collapsed onto his knees on the balcony of the tower dangerously near the edge (particularly since there was no railing.) _How'd he get from the elevator to here? It was such a blur._ It was probably a good thing he hadn't taken another step, or he'd be a squashed billionaire on the concrete below. That would certainly make an interesting headline in the morning.

_Tony Stark takes a midnight dive from his tower... _

He tried not to think too deeply about the trigger of this particular attack, but it was a little hard especially when he was practically staring into the night sky that was so full of stars _and darkness pressing in, taking away what precious oxygen he had left in his lungs, just like the terrorists had done in Afghanistan when they-_. He gulped down his bubbling anxiety, taking a second to divert his thoughts (_Should patch up Mark V what with the repulsors and the..the…Shit_), and then turned to face Pepper's worried face.

He hated worrying her, so he put on his best mask, as cracked and useless as it was against her (She had known him too long and knew all of his tricks…well, most of them), but what he hadn't expected was the audience: just behind Pepper stood Rogers with an uncertain and scrutinizing look on his face, and the Billionaire could make out some of the others behind the Cap's large figure, all wearing the same uncertain (_worried?_) face, though, granted, they were of varying degrees. For example, Natashalie's face looked like she ate a whole lemon, not unlike her normal face which looked like she only ate a slice of lemon.

_Well... fuck_.

He stared for a moment, frozen in spot before his mind rebooted and could animate his face and body again. _If you want them to believe the lie, believe it yourself. You're fine.__ Everything's fine and golden._ Just fucking fine.. Fine fine finefinefinefine… Ha! 

"Hey! Cap! Others! I know I was only gone for a few minutes, but really? Did you all miss me that much that you had to follow me? What if I had gone to the big boy's room? Would you all follow me there? I mean, as much as I approve of groupies, that's a bit much, don't you think?"

All their faces, minus Pepper's whose eyes had narrowed (Oh boy, he was going to hear about this later wasn't he?), turned to annoyance. Perfect. Stay away. Don't get any closer, _because you're already too close for comfort. _

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Sorry that this took so long to put out! (And it's so short, I just.. ugh) I really wanted to crank one out, especially after that anon left that wonderful _**wonderful **_review that totally made my day, but I had a brutal exam that sapped all my energy. I'm also having issues as to where this story should go ahahahaha (and I need to re-watch Ironman 2 because I have memory issues). Sorry. I fail at planning. I'll try to be a little less scatterbrained in the future! (I also got bit by this other plot bunny and starting writing something else ahahaha… and if I have self control, you shouldn't see it until I'm almost done… If I have self control, I say… )

Thank you for all the followers/favs and reviews! You guys make things bearable for me :)

Title is from One Foot by Fun because lyrics man.. lyrics.


	4. It isn't up to them

**It isn't up to them**

Ever since the accident, Bruce became a careful and cautious man (well, it wasn't like he wasn't before, but it certainly wasn't to this level); he was very careful about the Other Guy, and he was careful about the people he dealt with (especially when he was chased so fervently by the military), which was why Tony's actions were so… strange and interesting. For one, the man never seemed to outwardly fear Bruce, not like the way Natasha did, but there was something in his actions that suggested… Well, Bruce wasn't quite sure; he couldn't really pin it down. Like the man, the answer was elusive.

But….If Bruce had to say… It was like the Billionaire was trepidatious and hesitant… though, that was silly since he was always in someone's face and moved with such confidence, something Bruce sorely lacked and Tony was quick to point out on the helicarrier…

Now _that_ had been an interesting conversation.

Surprisingly, Bruce had quickly adapted to Tony's loud and brash personality and even found that he enjoyed the other man's presence, and it must have been the same for Tony since it seemed like the Billionaire had made some sort of slip-up: _"__This little circle of light," he had said, lifting his thick shirt to reveal blue glow, "it's part of me now. It's a..." His eyes scrutinized something only he could see. "..terrible privilege."_

What exactly had he meant by that? But before Bruce could dwell on Tony's choice of words, there had been a flash of fear in his brown eyes, and the scientist could tell, even if it were only for a moment, because everyone looked at him with fear, but this was different. It wasn't that Tony was afraid of Bruce or the Other Guy; it was more like Tony was afraid of what had come out of his mouth, like he couldn't believe that he had admitted something he had meant to keep locked away: a secret.

It was understandable why Tony wouldn't want people to know that the "little circle of light" was the only thing keeping him alive (keeping the shrapnel from his heart, Bruce reminded himself), but it seemed to the scientist that there was more to the story than Tony was letting on. Like Tony said, it's impossible to solve an equation if you don't know all the variables, but in the case of Tony, it was more like Bruce didn't even know what equation he _could_ use to solve the riddle that was Tony Stark.

Then Tony, surprisingly, had been adamant about the Other Guy and how he had saved Bruce from the lethal dose of gamma exposure. It was almost strange how persistent and insistent he had been… _as if he knew firsthand what it was like to be saved by someone else… for a purpose greater than oneself…_

It was never fully disclosed what had happened to the Billionaire while he was held captive in Afghanistan (and something drastic had to have happened over there). Bruce had seen the press conference following his return to the US (What news station hadn't been playing it?). The man had looked…. Not unlike how he looked strolling into the kitchen for dinner that night: pale, exhausted, and distracted, but putting up a strong front.

Bruce had originally thought that the Billionaire was too busy to really get to know the team he was consulting for and the team that Ironman was part of, but that night, he wondered if it was for another reason? That he was just trying to push them away?

In fact, Bruce realized on the rooftop of Stark Tower, that was exactly what Tony was doing, and he could tell because… hadn't he done the exact same thing for so many years after the accident?

But then… what had made the Billionaire no longer able to trust?

Perhaps the key - the unknown variable - was the Ironman suit and its mysterious pilot. Now that... that was another can of worms.

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I want to write a chapter with Clint, Natasha, Coulson and other people, but I really don't have a good grasp on their characters…. Le sigh. In fact, I don't think I got Bruce either, but whatever… (And Tony.. He just writes himself….)

Probably won't update for awhile. Got a 3 hour exam coming up in four classes. Ugh. And sorry, this isn't as edited as most of my stuff... I've spent too long on this and need to catch up on my studies.

Thank you for the reviews/favs/follows! Please let me know what you thinkkkkk!

Title = One Foot by Fun.


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